I Googled self-care, and I was reminded to have a bath, read a book, and go for a walk. And if you’re anything like me, you can’t count the number of times you’ve tried to take time for yourself, and it was derailed by a single phone notification.  

For doctors, for volunteers, and for so many others, there is a reliance on our ‘discretionary’ effort – and the habit of giving all that time and effort usually means that self-care just doesn’t happen. It isn’t happening in two ways: we aren’t practising self-care by setting boundaries, and because we aren’t setting them we aren’t allowing ourselves to have time for self-care. 

The consequences of not practising boundary-setting are well-known, and not least among those are burnout and physical ill health. I don’t think I need to tell you (but I definitely have to tell myself) that when we are burnt out and physically unwell, we are no longer able to give effort – discretionary or otherwise. 

There are a lot of blogs and articles on the internet on how to set boundaries. Many give us tips on approaching the situation where we have decided that a boundary is needed, and help us to focus on how we feel when we set them. Often, however, the hardest step is recognising when to set a boundary before we hit the consequences. 

One way I’ve found – although it’s uncomfortable to me as a caring, people-centred person – is to look very dispassionately at how I spend my discretionary effort, and perform something approaching a cost-benefit analysis. Am I receiving as much benefit as the effort I put in? Do I feel fulfilled and full of joy, even if tired? Or am I exhausted and drained, even though I know I have done ‘the right thing’?  

When you find yourself more in the latter place, it is time to set a boundary. And remember that setting a boundary is self-care. The boundaries we set can be large or small: they can be as large as leaving a voluntary role, as exciting as booking a week off work, or as small as turning your phone notifications off after work. And hopefully, by doing that first piece of self-care and setting a boundary, you may just have a bit more time to have the bath, to read the book, to go for a walk. 

So, in this Self-Care Week, I ask you to practise the hardest form of self-care I know: setting boundaries.  

Elaine Watt (she/her) is deputy chair of the BMA patient liaison group and an equality, diversity and inclusion professional at the University of Leeds.